| (no subject) |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|09:10 pm] |
Goodbye LiveJournal. It has come time to end this thing. It has been found and I can no longer keep it.
I'll miss this thing!!
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| I just don't know. |
[Jan. 24th, 2005|10:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
I don't know what's happening. I feel so lost and confused. It's strange, out of nowhere I'm all smiles and optimistic. You all know that just isn't me. Never really has been, at least not for a long time. Believe me I'm not complaining about being happy but I fear that being happy will only dissapoint me in the end, because everything will just fall apart at once. It's happend so many times. I'm in the middle right now. I'm never in my deep depressions anymore, which is awesome, but at the same time thats just a part of me, gone. I never knew depression could grow on you like that. I hope this is the time where I get rid of it for good. I have everything I need to get through whatever. And thats John, Lindsay, Brittany, Hilary, Sarah, Rachel, KK and Ashley. Believe me this doesn't mean things are perfect for me now, in fact nothing in that area has changed, just my attitude. I don't even know what to do with myself when I'm not depressed. I suppose I'll try to embrace it and have a good time. Oh, I just hope everything doesn't fall apart... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2005|09:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick of christina&her friends | ] |
Went to Java with Lindsay today. Shocking news. But.. yeah. Her court date is tomorrow! everyone hope it goes well!.. i dont really much will happen at all tho. no biggie. so we went to the mall.. yeahhhh. no no lindsay! ahhhhhh. I came home and just wanted to talk to john but we didnt get to talk much. thatsss okay i guess. brittany + a certain boy = <3... :D. awesome. i'm so excited for her. i'm done.. i have lots of shit to do! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2005|10:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
I'm tired. And sore. I don't know why. My head also hurts. I feel icky. I HATE school. I don't wanna go tomorrow. Tomorrow me and Lindsay are going to Jumpin Java. We have so much to talk about. I went to John's tonight <3. God I love that boy. He's sooo amazing <33. I don't have much to say.. I'm in an odd mood. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2005|09:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cranky | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | THE KILLERS!!.. only the best. | ] |
( i'm bored... ) |
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| Christina |
[Jan. 22nd, 2005|09:12 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
This is for Christina in case she decides to read it, since she deleted her journal after i left that comment and all that. So here it is.
Christina, your right I really don't know alot about you or Alex, but in my comment did I say anything about you two? No. It was about Dan. And I don't think you realize how much he cares about Alex. He always talks about how much he wants to see him and how he's gonna get his name tatooed on his arm, and he carries picures of Alex in his wallet. He truly cares. And hunny I don't need to see documents on how he told friend of the court that he'd pay, because I know he said that. And he meant it, he really was gonna pay. But things came up and Dan doesn't have any money, so he can't really pay all that stuff to go see Alex. About the abortion thing. Almost every guy who would have a baby at his age would be scared to death! I'm sure you were too obviously but you had that special connection with the baby so of course you kept him. I understand that more than you think. But when Dan accepted Alex and wanted to be there for the delivery YOU WOULDN'T LET HIM. Ok, then you ask me what kind of friend I am. Ohh bitch don't go there. I'll tell you what. I'm a damn good friend, cause anyone can tell you I DONT LIKE Dan. I just really don't. But because she is my BEST FRIEND I am going to support who she loves, who makes her happy and all of that. I have tried to talk to her many times to maybe get her out of it, cuz i dont like him that much but i can't get them apart nor can anyone. (so stop trying to get dan in jail and get them apart). What kind of friend would I be if I was like "Lindsay I'm not hanging out with you anymore because you're going out with Dan"? Maybe that's your idea of a good friend, but not anyone elses that I know of. And certainly not mine. Yes, they are 3 years apart but hunny, age isn't that big of a deal. They are very good with eachother. Dan also didn't drop out for your information, because of Lindsay's mom he was indefidently suspended. What other choice did he have? He would have rather gone to a different school, and yes he is going to start going i believe. And omg YOU NEED TO STOP saying he is trying to get her pregnant because HE'S NOT. What kind of facts do you have on that AT ALL!? None!! There are none! Gosh. Who are you to day he doesn't come around and visit Alex when its YOUR fault!! Umm lets see who else would have printed out Lindsay's livejournal for friend of the court to see?? He's not even allowed to see him because of you. I think you're just out to make everyone feel sorry for you.
So hun, maybe next time YOU bitch at ME maybe YOU should get all the facts first. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|10:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
I Love John So Much...<3
Pictures from tonight.. hehe :)
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| i love this. |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|09:44 pm] |
This pretty much sums up how I feel everyday...
i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is
that i care too much
and my scars remind me
that the past is real
i tear my heart open
just to feel
i'm drunk and i'm feeling down
and i just wanna be alone
im pissed 'cause you came around
why dont you just go home
'cause you channeled all your pain
and i cant help you fix yourself
you're making me insane
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
that youre drowning in the water
so i offered you my hand
compassion's in my nature
tonight is our last stand
i tear my heart open
i sew myself shut
my weakness is that i care too much
and my scars remind me
that the past is real
i tear my heart open
just to feel
beautiful isn't it??
i had an amazing night with John... I love you hunny. <3
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| Blah.. |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|09:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 23- jimmy eat world!! | ] |
alright you can't see the color the best in these but... HERE'S MY HAIR!!
ohhhh i know its so gosh darn HOTT!!!
Now here's some random pics... I was bored okay!? (before i dyed my hair..)
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| My Weekend... |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|10:53 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | me and brittany talking | ] |
so friday was borrrring i didn't do like anything at all. just slept. then saturday i dyed my hair as i said. and ohhhh i LOVE IT. then i went over to john's and had a good time as always <3. Thennnn yesterday me and Lindsay went to church. Um yeah. Then we came to my house and had a big lunch! And then we went to the mall and back to Lindsay's for the night, along with Brittany. Yeah so it's been fun! Tonight I think I'm hanging out with John <3<3 and then tomorrow Sarah. |
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| er |
[Jan. 16th, 2005|10:31 am] |
i am a red/purple head!
and i love it!!!
advice for anyone dying their hair
reddish:
do not do it unless you are
expecting it to turn out completely
different than on the box.
lucky for me
I LOVE MY HAIR!!!
I'll post pictures later.. and
oh i have sooo much to say!
but right now i'm off to go pick up
Lindsay
and go to church. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2005|05:53 pm] |
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Today sucked
nothing to do.
John's about to come over.
I don't feel good.
Girl's night tomorrow
I think.
Umm.. Lindsay??
calllll me I guess.
We need figure out what is goin on.
I think I'm gonna dye my hair
again!
this weekend.
I've been wanting to for
a couple weeks
so I think I finally do it.
I might have to wait until next week tho.
Well... time to go!
love love everyone!
LOVE YOU JOHN!
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| kk. |
[Jan. 12th, 2005|09:20 pm] |
Happy sweet 16 Kk.
I love you.
I hope you liked the card i made !!
haha |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2005|09:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  naughty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | John's voice. my favorite <3. | ] |
Half days today.
Not as exciting as I
really thought it would be,
considering I felt sick,
but it was an okay day.
Brittany came over.
Oh gosh the laughs we have.
I miss John so much.
I can't wait to see him tomorrow.
I LOVE MY BABY!!
<3<3 |
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| open your eyes and you'll whats really happening. |
[Jan. 9th, 2005|06:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Mr. Brightside - The Killers | ] |
Boredom.
John was supposed
to come over.
But my baby is sick.
So.. no studying
for me
tonight I guess.
That's okay
I just hope
he feels better.
I really want a
carmel ribbit.
Maybe I'll call Lindsay
and see if
she wants to join me.
I slept for 2 1/2 hours.
I don't know why.
But now
I'll be up all night.
Oh well.
School tomorrow.
No good.
Exams coming up.
Also no good.
But half days will be awesome.
I think I'm gonna call Lindsay
or sleep more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2005|03:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | miserable- lit | ] |
So yesterday I went to detention with Lindsay lol. Umm yeah not that bad all we did was talk so yeah. Then I went to Lindsay's for the night. We made biskets and drank our fake wine. yeah awesome i know. Today.. we went to the Vous and Jumpin Java.. that was okay I suppose. I get to see my baby tonight and I CANNOT WAIT. I love him always and forever! <3
read these...
*
I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you
I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you
You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You’re wrong if you think that I’ll be just like you
I could be cold
I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you
I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you
On my own, cause I can’t take livin with you
I’m alone, so I won’t turn out like you
Want me to
*
I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go
I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2005|11:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | nooonnneee! | ] |
Today was fun. School was accutly okay but I was upset we didn't have a snow day. But who wasn't. Oh well. Me and Hilary took EMO PICTURES today becauuussse we are just fricken that way. I love it. I went to John's today. ALWAYS fun. I love love love love love LOVE him! lol. seriousssly. Tomorrow = even better. Hangin out with Lindsay. woop woop. Then the vous saturday. even if the boys don't come I really don't care obviously. but i just lovvve that place. ahhh yay!
Okay
I
NEED
SLEEP.
so i shall go sleep.
love love!
LOVE YOU JOHNNNN! |
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| AHHHHHH!!! |
[Jan. 4th, 2005|10:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  fuck life | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | jumper | ] |
You don't understand. I honestly cannot take this anymore. I think I'm about to seriously give up. |
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| hate. |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|10:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cranky | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | if i could be like that | ] |
i hate feeling like this.
i hate this life.
i hate people.
i hate being depressed.
i hate this house.
i hate drugs.
i hate when people judge me.
i hate that i'm never happy.
i hate cutting.
i hate being alone.
i hate being cold.
i hate sleeping.
i hate everything.
i hate you.
and most of all..
i hate hateing.
FUCK THIS. I'M DONE WITH ALL THE SHIT!
all i know is i LOVE
John
and
Lindsay.
Only people that love me.
Only people I honestly have.
please don't leave comments like
"im here for you! lets hang out"
because
we both know
its not true
so stop putting lies in front of my face
because im quite sick of it. |
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| a stupid survey. i suck. |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|10:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | best of me. | ] |
The last movie you watched?: 50 first dates.. with my baby
The last song you listened to?: duck and run
The last book you read?: Pure
The last thing you ate?: chicken
The last thing you drank?: coke
The last scent you smelled?: my room
The last dessert you ate?: apple crum pie
The last thing you fell over?: the bed post
The last picture you took?: last night with my John
Who was...
The last person you kissed?: John
The last person you hugged?: Lindsay maybe?
The last person you talked to?: John
The last person who made you cry?: John not his fault i was just worried.. long story.
The last person who made you laugh?: John
The last person you saw?: My parents.. GRR
The last person who spent time with you?: Lindsay
The last person you hated?: heh umm you know if you know me.
The last person you loved?: John still do
The last person who was mean to you?: My freakin mom
The last person who was nice to you?: John and Lindsay
When was...
The last time you ate?: mm 6 ?
The last time you slept?: last night
The last time you used the bathroom: at the vous
The last time you cried?: new years eve
The last time you laughed?: about 20 mins ago
The last time you seriously hurt yourself?: umm its been a month.. i used to cut
The last time that you read?: last night
The last time that you listened to a CD all the way through?: last night
The last time you spent a night over at someone else's house?: new years eve
The last time you spent with a friend?: today
The last time you had sex?: i dont know? mm.. like a week ago. just a guess
The last time you did drugs?: i donno like novemember?
The last time you cursed?: like an hour ago
The last time you prayed?: at church
The last time you wished you were dead?: NOW
The last time you wished someone else was dead?: now
The last time that you wanted more time to do something in?: now
The last time you played a videogame?: very long time ago..
The last time you watched TV?: um mid day
The last time you wrote something down on paper?: this morning
The last time you smiled?: half hour ago about
The last time you were truly happy?: long ass time ago.. those days are gone.
The last time that you were sad?: now
The last time you told someone that you loved them and meant it?: when i got off the phone with john just a bit ago
The last time you talked on the phone?: lol like 30 mins ago
The last time you posted on an internet forum?: ?
The last time you sent an email?: today
The last time you used IM programs to talk to someone?: today
The last time you updated your blog/webpage/livejournal/etc.?: right now
The last time that you sat and thought about your life?: all the time
The last time in which you declared "I hate you!"?: dont remember
The last time you downloaded something off the internet?:yesterday
The last time you took a survey?: right now..?
Current...
Mood: mad and sad.. not looking forward to tomorrow.. like at all
Music: jimmy eat world .. duh
Thoughts: Tomorrows gonna suck and i wanna move out really bad.
Annoyance: my parents
Worry: school
Amusement: this survey even tho its so pointless
Hope: none.
Conversations: none.
Longing: to be with John..
What should you be doing now, but your not? sleeping..
How was your day? ehhh..
What's next to you? another chair.. but its empty
Who?
Do you rely on the most? John and my friends
Do you trust the most? ^
Do you tell everything to?^^
Do you just want to smack for being so stupid? TOO MANY PEOPLE
Do you want to smack for being so annoying? ^
Do You?
Juggle? nope
Speak your mind? yeah
Cry in front of people? dont like to but i do
Break dance? yeah no.
Bike (BMX)? no
Snowboard? no
Waterski? no
Favorite…
Color? black.. red.. pink
Number? 82
Season? summer
Ice cream? mint chocolate chip
Website? lj
Quote? lots
Store? hot topic, pac sun, spencers haha
Band? a lot
Singer? donno
Rapper? um.. no
Song? too many
Movie? wiker park
Actor? ashton!
Actress? who knows.
Kind of movies? chick flicks
Place to be? anywhere but here
Time of day? 1:00
Clothing Brand? donno! im not a prep!
Animal? kitties
Food? chicken fingers
Holiday? all of em
Shape? star
Restaurant? vous
Music...
How many CD's do you have: too many to ever count
Last CD you bought: Jimmy eat world
Whats in your CD player right now: staind
Do you download music: yes
Genre: Emo
Are You...
Understanding: yes
Open-minded: yeah
Insecure: yeah
Hungry: no. i feel sick.
Friendly: i hate people unless they accutly understand what i do. and are mature.
Smart: umm no.
Moody: yeah
Childish: no
Independent: yes
Hard working: no
Organized: sometimes
Shy: i guess
Difficult: sometimes
Bored Easily: yeah
Messy: sorta
Responsible: yeah
Obsessed: yep
Angry: yeah
Sad:always
Talkative: sometiems
Ignored: yea
A deep-thinker: yes
Self-disciplined: i guess
Sleepy: yeah
Lonely: ya |
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